A jealous friend will not be supportive of things you’re going through. Unfortunately, they secretly want to see you fail. Yes, you heard that right. When someone is jealous of you, they will not take steps to see you get better or climb the ladder of success.
In fact, they even sabotage some things in order for you to continuously need them….and yet, they still cannot be there for you
Jealous friends are worse than enemies: cutting them out of my life is the best thing I ever did.
To my knowledge I don’t have any enemies.
I have, however, had the odd jealous friend over the years.
the reason I’m single? Nope. Married actually with kids
I count these as worse.
These are people who are supposed to be your confidant, your advisor, your cheerleader.
All the things you are for them, they end up being the opposite of all of that for you.
What I’ve noticed with jealous friends is that the envy simmers unnoticed under the surface.
One day the crescendo builds and it becomes so blatant they can’t help but let the emotions erupt.
Please note there is a difference between being jealous of your friend and being a jealous friend.
The former is a one-off.
Twice at the most.
The latter is a lifestyle.
Unknown to you, it has become the bedrock of their friendship with you.
Before you know it, it’s toxic. They can poison you. Look to set you up. Ready to kill you for simply being what they are not.
So how do you know you have a jealous friend?
1. They always talk down your achievements and aspirations
You’re never quite good enough, you always could have done better and they tell you to be “realistic”.
2. They’re constantly competing with you
‘If you get a nice car, they’ll get a nicer one’
If you get a car, then they will. If you get a nice car, they’ll get a nicer one.
They’ll even go as far as comparing salaries with you.
I knew someone who, for every success one of our friends had, would have a clapback for a similar piece of success that’s better than theirs.
We’re friends, not competition. When you do better than them, they conclude you sleep around and will even term themselves virgins after four children.
3. They don’t support you and instead try to divert the attention away from you
Whether it’s a shoulder to cry on, company for an event you’ve asked them to come to or genuine advice, they just can’t provide it.
Instead, they’re always vying for attention from mutual friends, maybe even your significant other.
They’ll do what they can to take the spotlight from you.
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The conversation is always about them and they brag everything.
I had a friend like this where you could not get a word in edgeways.
Before you could finish a sentence they would cut you off and always talk about their latest squeeze, their latest salary increase, their latest purchase.
It was never-ending.
They just have to let you know about the latest happenings in their life no matter how small.
In the hope that the brightness of their success will dim the light of yours. Good news is , it never happens
4. They’re surprised when you are genuinely happy for them
Because you’re a true friend you’re happy for them when they are happy.
Because they’re not the same for you, they seem surprised when you share their elation.
They’re thinking, how can this be?
For example, a friend of mine reached a certain milestone in their life ahead of me.
I was so thrilled for her because that’s my friend and any success is a shared success.
She actually said the words to me: ‘Aww Rita, I can see you’re genuinely happy for me, thank you so much.’
Erm.. what? Why wouldn’t I be? If I wasn’t, what kind of friend would I be?
Her surprise at me, surprised me.
5. They’re waiting for your downfall
Because of their insecurity, they inwardly smile to themselves when they hear you have a setback.
Anything to reduce the feeling of jealousy they feel towards you.
They might even plot your downfall.
I had a frenemy who actively tried to split myself and my husband up.
I couldn’t see it at the time because I refused to believe a friend would stab me in the back.
I later found out it was because she wanted him for herself.
If that’s not a frenemy, I don’t know what is.
So how do you deal with a jealous friend?
You have two options.
You either put up with it and watch the frenemy-ship slowly sap the life out of you or you decide enough is enough.
So stop telling them stuff: information about your life is like a power source for their jealousy.
Stop telling them about what you’re getting up to, who you’re hanging with, your achievements.
Distance yourself and let the phone calls get less, let the meet-ups get less.
You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
And then cut them off.
If they don’t get the hint by this stage, you may have to have a frank conversation with them about the end of the friendship.
Your peace of mind and ability to trust other genuine friends in your life is more important than keeping a toxic friendship.